Our Lady's space

Everyone is glad that Leonie is back again. But she is still taking a big interest. She has recently been to the store room and found a theodolite.

‘Ideal for Doug and Dave’ she said, when she saw it.’

Leonie at Doug and Dave’s hut, giving them the theodolite: ‘We expect a high standard of crop circles in this realm. Do you know how to use this?

Doug and Dave: ‘No.’

Leonie: ‘I’ll have to find the instruction book. How are you both getting on?’

Doug and Dave: ‘We’re delighted we’re not in hell'.’

Leonie: ‘Back later. We’ll be keeping an eye on you.’

More from Leonie: ‘There I was looking at the snowman and there was no sign of a crop circle, when I looked up and saw flashing lights in the sky. Is it a UFO I said to myself, or Doug and Dave hang gliding? I had come prepared. I produced my miraculous flask, which I had sneaked out of Heaven, poured myself a large hot toddy and added a twist of lemon, courtesy of the local greengrocer. What a fright! I thought that I might need recourse to a little drink in such a situation.

Next minute a beam of light came down and circled around the field. “My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim” – to quote from the song. Was it the hot toddy? I nearly keeled over.

Next minute the beam of light rested on the snowman. I thought I was going mad altogether when I thought I heard the snowman say - “Beam me up Scottie”. Was it an alien in disguise? I wondered had any “Snowmen in White” aliens been reported.

Then I thought to myself – could it be Louis? There was something familiar about him. And come to think of it there was something familiar about the greengrocer as well. Was it Zelie? Next minute I was beamed up myself and found myself at the Pearly Gate.

Back home again and glad to be.’

Meanwhile the little grey fellow has been invited in. The task force want to speak to him.

Zelie appears: ‘I had to spike the lemon. That’s the twist. Welcome back.’

St. Peter: ‘Maybe it’s the snowmen who make the crop circles on their summer holidays.’

Our Lady: ‘On a more serious note – recent economic happenings, causing the problems in the world, are against Galactic Parliament law. Stay hopeful.

And who is this coming now? It looks like Spock from Star Trek.’

Spock lookalike: ‘Live long and prosper. Have you seen the Men in Black?’

Our Lady: ‘You’ll have to wait a minute.’

Meanwhile back on the star ship enterprise a panic stricken Scottie is on the intercom to captain Kirk from the transporter room: ‘I have a note here from the Doppel Spock. He’s beamed down at the Pearly Gate. He thinks we might all be in error.’

Captain Kirk: ‘About turn Scottie. We’ll have to do “The search for Spock” again. Warp factor ten.’

Scottie: ‘Oh no!’

Map of the Wiltshire area, where a lot of crop circles are found.

Task force member: 'If, by any chance, any of you live in this area, keep an eye out for Leonie. She should be easily recognisable, wearing a nun's outfit and speaking in a French accent and probably enquiring about the location of local crop circles.'

Happenings at the Pearly Gate:

It looks like the little Grey fellow will have to wait for a little while. The search party volunteers are ready – Louis and Zelie Martin, parents of the Martin sisters.

Our Lady: ‘…and both now saints in Heaven as well.’

Oh wait – here comes the delivery van.

Delivery man: ‘The usual daily prayer intentions. It looks like we’ve reached a low ebb. I used to need a juggernaut. And oh – here’s a postcard from Leonie.’

St Peter hands it to Zelie and Louis to read.

Leonie’s postcard: ‘I’m totally disgusted altogether now. All I could find were snowmen. I might never come back, if I can’t sort it out. Oh and – wish you were here.’

Our Lady to the general audience: ‘I am taking over this Windows Live Space now to publicise the intercession. I will be writing my own blog, with the help of the saints. The space is to called “Our Lady’s space”. Your comments would be welcome. Prayer requests and friend requests would be welcome as well.’

St. Peter: 'All ready now. Our Lady wants to speak to you again.'

Our Lady: 'If you come in now you can see that the engineering work is finished. We've just completed the Doug and Dave utility lean to hut, especially for you two. All the paraphernalia is installed - string, planks etc. and we've even added a few pegs, so that you can do even better crop circles.'

Doug and Dave: 'Delighted.'

And Doug and Dave step inside the Pearly Gate, leaving the grey fellow standing there.

Little grey fellow: ''What's all this we are reading on the Internet about Doug and Dave? I thought we did all the crop circles.'

Our Lady: 'Wait there a minute till I talk to the task force.'

Our Lady to the general audience: 'By the way, the task force consists of St. Theresa of Lisieux and her sisters, all now saints in heaven - Marie, Celine, Pauline and Leonie - the Martins. However, unfortunately Leonie has gone missing. She said she was leaving in disgust at the whole thing. She was last seen speeding out the Pearly Gate past St. Peter and the little grey fellow. Rumour has it she has gone down to the south of England to take a look for herself. We might have to establish another task force to find her, or a search party.'

Remainder of the task force about the little grey fellow: 'How did he get here? And who is he?'

St' Peter: 'Happy new year. Any resolutions?'

Doug and Dave: 'We're going to be totally honest for ever more.'

St. Peter: 'Good. Our Lady's back.'

Our Lady: 'Happy new year from me as well. We've got some engineering work going on in here at the moment. Heaven wasn't prepared for you. It should be finished soon. Then we'll let you in. Did you like the saint's song? They could be a bit baffled as well. And a happy new year to the A team as well. The crop circle inquiry has commenced. I've appointed a task force. You'll be hearing about them later.'

Doug and Dave: 'Very nice song. But its a bit difficult.'

Our Lady: 'And my message to the people is that we are all very concerned about the state of of the world at the moment. Stay hopeful. Help is on it's way. And happy new year to everyone.'

A little gray fellow approaches the gate. Does anyone know how he got there?

Our Lady: 'Does he want to get in here as well? We'll see.'

Task force member watching from distance away in heaven: 'Is Our Lady joking?'

___________________

And my own new year's resolution is to be impeccably behaved. And revise and extend my website so that most of them information in the book is freely available. More on this later. And I hope to make it more readable and simplified, as well, so that all can enjoy it.

St. Peter: 'Happy Christmas. I hope you aren't getting impatient. As a matter of interest to you, it could be our theory that Santa does the crop circles on his summer hols. Will we all have to go back to purgatory? Our Lady wants to talk to you.'

Our Lady: 'Happy Christmas, one and all. I have a nice little present for you.'

Doug and Dave open the present.

Our Lady: 'Its a nice little book of pictures of crop circles, supposedly done by the A team. Are you two members of the A team?

Doug and Dave: 'Still can't remember. Nice pictures though. Thanks very much.'

Our Lady: 'I am commencing an inquiry into the whole thing. Its to be called "Our Lady's Crop Circle Inquiry". I won't keep you waiting too long. And here's some Christmas pudding for you both to keep you sustained. I'll be back out here in the new year to see you.'

St. Peter: 'And happy Christmas from Santa as well!!!'

___________________

It has occurred to me that the previous blog entry is actually quite difficult. The saints, having experienced death may have a totally different view of it than those left behind to mourn.

As regards the song, its a lot different from the music we might hear in church - called sacred music, I think. Nevertheless, I think it is adequately clarified by Our Lady saying - 'Heaven can be a lot of fun'. Sacred music is obviously still relevant. I've even heard it said that, he who sings, prays twice.

And happy new year from me as well. Don't forget your new year's resolutions.

I recently added the song ‘Star Trekkin’ to my playlist as you can see. I think it’s a great song. We might wonder how it would be if Doug and Dave were on the starboard bow. Am I losing it altogether? Hopefully not.

Our Lady: ‘Heaven can be a lot of fun. The saints composed this variation. It shouldn’t be considered black humour as death can be a positive experience, although it may not seem so to those left behind.’

A Mystic song to the tune of Star Trekkin’ (with modifications to the melody).

Star trekking – across the Universe.

Star trekking – put Doug and Dave to verse.

Star trekkin’ – across the universe,

On the starship Enterprise, under captain Kirk.

Star trekkin’ across the Universe.

Only going forward, Doug and Dave can’t find reverse.

Crop circles – we see them far and wide.

If Doug’s there – Dave is at his side.

Star trekking – to the Pearly gate.

Why ever – did She make them wait?

St. Peter – whatever happened to him?

St. Peter – why didn’t he let them in?

You’ve all heard of them – heard of the Men in Black.

Are they government agents – on Doug and Dave’s track?

Grey aliens – the one’s with slanty eyes.

Grey aliens – Has Our Lady a surprise?

Then there’s the Nordics. – They say the look so fine.

Very civilised – do they like the wine?

Lt. Uhura, report.

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, or are they Doppels now, or Doug and Dave transformed somehow. I think it’s Doug and Dave.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.

It’s life Jim - at the Pearly gate.

Doug and Dave – sooner or late.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.

It’s worse that that they’re dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim.

It’s worse than that they’re dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Engineer, Mr. Scott.

Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics.

Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Pearly gate – it’s really not so sad.

Pearly gate – it’s really not so bad

We all go there - at the end of life.

Definitely – no more money strife.

X-files, X-files – is it all true?

X-files, X-files – just ‘tween me and you.

Einstein, Einstein – and the speed of light.

Aliens, Aliens – do they come at night?

Crop circles – what’s all the mystery?

Doug and Dave – go down in history.

Lt. Uhura, what are that the Men in Black are saying over the intercom?

Ah! We come in peace. Shoot to kill. Shoot to kill.

We come in peace. Shoot to kill. We come in peace – or else. [Only joking, of course]

Beam down the Men in Black, Men in Black, Men in Black.

We’ll collect them on the way back, way back, Scottie.

Warp factor 9 Scottie.

It’s faster than the speed of light, speed of light, speed of light.

It might give Einstein a fright, Einstein a fright, Captain

It never stopped anyone else. Warp factor 9 Scottie.

You’ll blow us all away.

We’re not ready to die Scottie, die Scottie, die Scottie.

We’re not ready to die Scottie, die Scottie, die.

It’s Doug and Dave, but not as we know them, not as we know them, not as we know them.

It’s Doug and Dave, but not as we know them, not as we know them, captain

It’s the Pearly gate, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it.

It’s the Pearly gate, Jim, or so says the poet, so says the poet, captain.

Star trekkin’ – across the universe.

On the starship enterprise, under captain Kirk.

Star trekkin’ across the Universe.

Only going forward, Doug and Dave can’t find reverse.

Star trekkin’ – across the universe.

Star trekkin’ – put Doug and Dave to verse.

Is it a sad and lamentable day

when Doug and Dave pass away?

Think of all the fun we had

trying to work them out.

As they arrived at the Pearly Gate

surely they would anticipate

that, good or bad

they would work it out.

Although you may find this blog satirical

perhaps it's the saints who are waxing lyrical.

Think of all the trouble they might have had

and what St. Peter's about.

What about Our Lady? Surely she'll know

about the crop circle's ebb and flow.

Let's hope it isn't bad

what she is planning out.

Let's all hope it's a happy end

after all the crop circles they did tend.

Surely it wouldn't be sad

to find out what it's all about.

Maybe we should all say a prayer

that kept waiting, they don't despair.

Maybe she'll make them glad

And not long keep them out.

After all they might have been only joking (what a joke!).

Anyway Doug and Dave eventually die. Note, everyone, it doesn't end there. It fact, it might be really only just beginning.

St. Peter: 'Look who's coming. It's Doug and Dave. We've heard all about you. I might be a bit baffled myself. We had to bring Our Lady out to meet you.'

Our Lady: 'Greetings. You'll have to stay there for a while, until we think of what to do with you.'

The suspense is killing. What will happen to poor Doug and Dave. Maybe we should all say a prayer for them.

Doug and Dave - RIP. They will be well remembered.

Has St. Peter no idea either? Doesn't seem right. We'll have to wait and see.

At the papal mass in Paris did I see in my minds eye Doug and Dave receiving communion from the pope? What were they doing the night before? It could have been confession, for all I know.

Doug: "Bless us papa Beneditto [a.k.a. pape Benoit, a.k.a. pope Benedict] for we might have sinned. We think we might have got caught up in a Galactic fashion trend and told a fib of Galactic proportions about these crop circles and aliens. We thought we might need a papal absolution. What do you think?"

Papa Beneditto: "I might have to write a little encyclical about these crop circles and aliens. On the other hand I might have to write an encyclical on Doug and Dave. No idea. Three Hail Marys might do you and a good act of contrition. And don't forget to come early tomorrow to hear the nice music before mass."

And so it continues.

Eventually, anyway, Doug and Dave tip off to the Galactic Parliament to find out what's going on. They could be getting old by now. Their memories are going.

Doug: "Do you know anything about these aliens and their crop circles - the ones who are visiting our planet?"

No response.

Doug: "Maybe they don't speak English. What about you Dave? Did we do them all? I can't remember."

Dave: "Me neither. We could have been fibbing. That reminds me - which purgatory would we go to if we died here?"

Doug: "Could be theirs for all I know. I think we should tip off home quick. I don't fancy purgatory with these strange looking people."

Dave: " Maybe we should go home and light a candle. It might be just as good as a crop circle, anyway."

Doug: "Good idea. Let's get out of here quick It's about time we retired anyway."

Poor Doug and Dave. They could go down in history.

And so continues the Doug and Dave blog. It's getting mystical now. There could be a nice moral to the story.

No idea.

Don't forget to tune in for the next instalment.

Off to Paree again next week. Can't get enough of the place. Becoming a bit of a Francophile. Looking forward to sipping some French wine and sampling the cuisine. Should be great.

In September 1991 two English men, Doug Bower and Dave Chorley, stepped forward to take credit for the entire crop circle phenomenon.
According to this pair, who were both in their 60s, their activities had begun as a lark back in the late 1970s. They had wanted to fool people into thinking that UFOs had landed. Their hobby had then gradually evolved into an obsession, involving night after night of circular toil in the fields of England.
The tools of their trade were disarmingly simple, being nothing more than wooden planks and string. Armed with this equipment, the two were able to demonstrate the ability to fashion crop circles similar to many that had been found.
But cerealogists noted that it strained credibility to think that the pair had created all the hundreds of circles that had been found in the past decade, and they certainly could not have been responsible for the circles outside of England.
The media hyped Doug and Dave's revelation, and as a consequence many dismissed the entire phenomenon of crop circles as their work. But over time even circle skeptics began to question Doug and Dave's confession. What evidence was there to support their claim of having created hundreds of circles throughout the 80s? Were they themselves just publicity seekers? To this day these questions have not been answered, leaving it unclear how many circles Doug and Dave were actually responsible for.

Doug and Dave could be grand friendly fellows and they probably are. I'm not sure I know them. They could be a dab hand at the crop circles as well. But they mightn't be so good as regards the laws of trespass. And what about the poor farmer?

He might think it's the aliens who do them and is in immanent danger of being zapped or beamed up. The aliens could be be grand friendly, peace loving and helpful as well - when you get to know them.

That is, of course, if it isn't all Doug and Dave.

As we saw before - 'No Idea'

Below is a recent newspaper article entitled 'No Idea'

Astronaut Edgar Mitchell has insisted that aliens have been paying regular visits to earth. Mitchell, who in 1971 became the sixth man to walk on the moon, said the visits have been covered up by governments over the past 60 years. "It's slowly leaking out, and some of us have been briefed on it," he told a radio interview.

According to Mitchell, the aliens are friendly. They have small bodies, and big eyes. "As far as I know from my contacts who have had contact, that is pretty accurate." he said. "I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomenon is real. They are not hostile. If they were hostile, we would have gone by now".

A spokesman for Nasa denied, with great tact, that the organisation had been involved in a cover-up: "Dr. Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinion on this".

Note the clever phraseology of Nasa. Is - going public about it - the opinion they don't share.

No Idea at all.

Great hol despite the weather. Lots of interesting things to do in the south of Ireland.

No crop circles either, not that I was looking. Haven't lost it altogether, although I did read a report about a crop circle in south Tipperary in a book once. Wonder why it didn't get on the news. There could be more on this as well.

I'm off to sunny (I hope) Clonmel for a week.

Let's hope Doug and Dave are going somewhere else.

Cheers for now.

If you don't mind my little joke - is this Doug and Dave's normal mode of transport?

This formation is well known to Mathematicians

It is called the Mandlebrot set.

What are Doug and Dave up to?

Do they want us all to study Mathematics?

There may be more on this.

Are Doug and Dave good enough to make this crop circle overnight by torchlight.

Maybe they are.

If not who made it.

To read all about it click on the following link.

www.socratesmadesimple.com